Chapter 9
The next morning, I tried to keep the heat out of Summit by attempting to convince the twins to stay home for the day. Tia rebuffed, saying there were “important things to do at Summit and we can’t be lazy,” which made me regret instilling the virtues of responsibility into her. And to no surprise, Basil snorted at the suggestion of leaving his sister alone and vulnerable to all the immoral lechers at Summit (which, considering it was the place that employed Mark Ellis, was understandable). So I chucked in some aspirin and prepped myself up for the day.
I had it all wrong. All this time I’ve been concentrating on Basil when I should have been worried about his twin sister. But here’s the thing, she gave me no reason to do so. Not today, not yesterday, not a week ago. With her face pressed against the train windows to study the urban scenery, she was the same Isian that I’ve always known. The only thing keeping her from coming up and socializing with the rest of us was her brother’s sour grimaces.
Telling everyone equipped with a pair to stay away from her would’ve been a moot exercise. Everyone got the point by now, even the densest idiot of the lot. Disquieting lulls trailed Basil’s path near his sister; at least ten decibels died when the twins sliced through the lobby, their silent corpses buried underneath Tia’s humming. Even the burly robotic lab sentries retreated when Basil approached and growled at them. I remembered they came factory-equipped with male voiceprints.
Poor Mark, though. He didn’t have the luxury of timidness the rest of us had, being the foreman and all. It wasn’t even an hour into the shift before our brave and fearless leader once again faced grave peril against the beast, armed with nothing but an uncapped black pen. That duty called to him and him alone.
“All right, I’m going to tell you once, and only once,” he said to the great beast. He postured at the lower steps and held the pen out at his adversary. “Move the hell out of my way. I’m going to go down and I’m going to get my papers. All right? Nobody gets hurt.”
“No,” the beast answered.
“Look, guy. I need those files, okay? I’m just going to go down there and get it. Then I’ll leave, got it? No trouble with you or anyone else, nice and easy.”
“Go away.”
Mark gripped his fist red and deformed the pen with a crunch. He took a step forward. Basil dropped down on all fours and arched his back. The foreman’s legs seized and the ruined pen dropped from his hand, leaving him only a vulnerable finger to point with. “I’m—” He sputtered and stepped back. “I’m just going to ask you one more time, okay? I’m not going to repeat myself.”
The Isian growled, a deep bladder-shattering rumble that ate all the other noise in the room. “Me neither.”
Poisoned by the basilisk’s toxic stare, Mark froze in place. His testosterone-fueled manliness had dropped overboard six steps ago and left behind a husk of flotsam out to die. One person in the lab assisted him by forming the sign of the cross. Me, I was bummed I didn’t bring any popcorn for the morning.
His salvation came when Tia sat up from her perch on the holo platform and waved a folder of documents over her head.
“I found it, Mark!” she called out. “Is this what you wanted?”
Without any formalities, Basil snatched the folder from her hands and shoved it onto Mark’s chest. “There, you have it. Go!” he said, pushing Mark up the steps. Mark seemed all too eager to turn around and hurry back up while cursing what’s left of his pride.
“Goddamn fucking animals,” he muttered as he passed me.
“Told you to not leave the stuff on the table, Mark. See what happens when you don’t listen?”
“Shut up, Lyle. Just shut up.”
The newly installed lab door hissed open and interrupted my chuckle. A set of odd footsteps, tinny and precise like a metronome, echoed. A cold hand met my shoulders, and I turned around to find a smile.
“Working well are we, Mr. Ivano?” Aimee asked.
“Well, aren’t you a fish out of water, Miss Receptionist Bot. Finally decided to make a visit for those wretched bastards at SE-2?”
“Ah, purely on business, I assure you.” She gestured to the Isians. “I came to collect our dear friends here. Considering their state, I was the only appropriate personnel.”
“Collect them for what?”
Aimee didn’t say anything and walked down to the pit that Basil guarded. He sat upright and whisked his tail in calm swathes. Aimee bent over with her hands on her knees. “How are you doing today, my Isian friend?” she asked him.
“Oh.” Basil clicked and scratched his chin. “Pretty good. It’s a pretty day.”
“Indeed. It is about twenty-four degrees outside. A good day to play around in the courtyard, yes?”
“Yeah, I think so. It’d be nice. Hey, what are they having for the cafeteria, anyway? Do they still meatloaf?”
“No, I am afraid today’s special is spaghetti.”
He stuck out his tongue. “Ew. Oh well. Thanks anyway.” He licked Aimee’s shiny face, the first sign of affection I’ve seen him give in what seemed like forever.
Aimee smiled and patted him down. “Could you do you me a favor?” she asked, continuing when he nodded. “Go and get your sister and meet me in the lobby, would you? Ms. Neuman is here to see you both.”
“You mean Arlene?”
“Yes. Would you?”
Thumping his tail enthusiastically on the floor, he jumped and clasped his hands together in excitement. “Oh yes! I will. Thanks Aimee!”
She gave him a quick neck rub and walked back up.
“What’s this about?” I asked her.
“Ms. Neuman is taking care of our little friend’s anxiety issue,” she said. She waved Mark goodbye and left the lab. The foreman grunted and shook his head.
Basil, burning off his newfound excitement, stood on the platform and tugged at Tia’s legs and tail to coax her off her roost. Tia was in no mood to humor him and clasped her claws onto the platform edges while grunting disapprovingly. Her brother’s squawks finally won out, though, and she slid off the platform and allowed herself to be drug by the hand up the stairs behind her grinning brother.
“Wait, wait!” she said when they passed me. She pulled back against Basil. “Let’s bring Ly-lee too.”
“Ly-lee?” The sight of me melted his expression back into a scowl. “Why bring him?”
“Because he’s our friend and he has to.”
Basil snorted and faced away. “Fine, whatever. Can we just go already? Arlene’s waiting.”
“Come on, Ly-lee. Let’s go see Arlene together.”
She uncoupled her hand from Basil’s and pried my hands from the keyboard. She pulled me out of my seat and led out the lab, and Basil followed behind. I waved goodbye to Mark, who just grunted again.
Arlene was waiting at Aimee’s desk, and she waved us over. Tia sprinted to her while dragging me behind, and I felt like I almost broke my legs trying to keep up with her.
“How’s my little girl doing?” Arlene cooed when Tia reached her. She ruffled through Tia’s frill and charmed the lizard to release my hand.
Basil jumped over his sister and into Arlene’s arms, which almost caused her to fall over if weren’t for the desk behind her. “Hey Arlene, we missed you!” he said.
“Hey, I was here first!” Tia said, trying to push between them.
“Settle down guys,” Arlene said. “No need to be rude to each other.” She saw me and waved hello, which I returned.
“So, what are we doing?” Tia asked. “Basil won’t tell me.”
Arlene knelt down and patted her forehead. “Well, I think you know what’s going on, Tia. How come you didn’t tell me?”
Tia shrugged and scratched her ears. “I didn’t think it was that important.”
“You know it is. We have to get you checked up and everything to make sure you’re still healthy. You know this.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Arlene rubbed Tia’s neck. “It’s okay. Just make sure you tell me if I forget next time, okay? In the meantime, we’ll get back to Wyvern so we can run a physical on you.”
“Do I have to? Can’t we skip it just this one time? I have lots of stuff to do here.”
“No, young lady. You have to go.”
She crossed her arms and pouted, and then sighed in defeat when Arlene gave her a hard parental look. “Okay. I’ll go, then.”
“It’ll be only a day or two, Tia. You’ll be back in here with your friends in no time.” Arlene eyed me when she said that. “Anyway, Natalia’s already made space in her room for you so that you can stay with her.”
Tia perked her head up and chirped. “Oh! I have so much to tell her about, especially about my new friend at the zoo.”
“Hey Arlene, how about the guys?” Basil asked. “Are they going to be around there? Around Sis?”
With a knowing grin on her lips, Arlene patted his head. “Ushi promised me that he’ll keep the drakes in line. He said that no one will bother her.”
“Well, are you sure? You know, Kappa and Gimel have been staring at Tia an awful lot last time I saw them.”
“Basil, do you listen to what Ushi says?”
“Well, yeah. He never lies to me.”
“Then trust him. He promised that he’d make all the guys behave for you. So don’t worry about it too much, okay?”
He clicked his tongue. “Okay.”
Arlene straightened her clothes and motioned Tia to her. “Well Tia, I think it’s time for us to go now. The car’s waiting outside.”
“All right.”
Tia started to leave with Arlene, but then turned to me. She placed her claws on my chest.
“Well, Ly-lee. I guess I’ll be gone for a little bit. Are you going to miss me?”
“I’m going to miss you,” I said.
She purred and licked my cheek. “Aw, don’t miss me too hard, Ly-lee. It’s not healthy for you. And a handsome person like you should be healthy. You have to be healthy to play with those twenty girls you have, right?”
Arlene gave me a raised brow.
“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.”
I felt a lump wedging itself between our bodies and looked down to find Basil staring up at me.
“Alright, alright, alright.” he said. “Time to go, time for everyone to go!” He pried Tia away from me and pushed her to Arlene.
“Bye Ly-lee, bye little brother!” Tia said, flapping both her hands at us. “Be back soon!”
“Later guys,” Arlene said. She took Tia’s hand and they left.
Basil jumped onto the desk and hunched down. He tracked the pair and clicked his tongue for each step they made through the lobby until they exited the building. Letting his head hang low, he closed his eyes and released a cathartic breath from his lungs. He turned around and said, “Hey, Ly-lee, want to go and get some to eat? We could eat outside, I’m starving!”
I didn’t feel guilty about stealing a ham panini from the Isian collection basket, considering how Basil hoarded the whole mound in his sister’s absence. Wide-eyed and unrestrained, he shoveled as much as he could in his arms, and he asked me to meet him later after he visited the cafeteria to pad his bounty. I figured provisioning a small sandwich for myself was a fair trade for my patience over the past week.
I found a bench in the courtyard under the open sun and munched on the sandwich (a mass-produced variety wrapped in cellophane to give an illusion of sophistication). I really looked forward to getting back to know the old, carefree Basil.
The bench buckled and unbalanced slightly when a man of obvious part-gorilla ancestry laid his weight next to me. I choked out a bit of soggy bread when he slapped my back. He stretched his arms over the bench and said, “Got good news, Lyle. Gonna be a beautiful night tonight. Beautiful night with beautiful girls. Beau-ti-ful!”
I swallowed the remains of the mouthful and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Found another tramp on the street corner I take it, Mark?”
“Ha! Not just ‘another’ tramp, you bastard. Two!” He waved a pair of fingers to my face.
“Wow, two girls? That’s, uh. That’s something, man.”
“You goddamn right that’s something. You know what’s better? They’re twins. Identical! Same blonde hair, same body, same legs, same tits, same ass, same everything. They wear the same damned clothes and even have kinda the same name. Hey, you goddamn know who’s the man? You bet your ass you do.”
“You know, Mark, I’ve known you for a long time, and that sounds too much for even you.”
“You’re damn right it’s too much for me!” he bellowed, slapping my leg. “That’s the reason you’re coming with.”
“What? Go with you and your twins?”
“Hell yes. You and me, rocking out the town with some big-tittied chicks, the way God intended.”
“Mark-goddamn-Ellis is actually passing up on two females? What the hell happened to you, man?”
“Hey guy, threesomes are hard work, okay? It sounds great and all, but you know how much crap you have to go through to make two girls happy? It’s not easy, I’m telling you. And they’re sisters too. It’s a bit freaky, you know? I mean, I really don’t give a fuck because they ain’t my sisters, but still. It’s kind of weird.” He gripped my shoulder. “Look you take Clara and I’ll take Clarice. The two of us can go out to town together. It’ll be fun.”
I placed the sandwich on my lap and pondered his offer. “I dunno, Mark. I’ll have to think about it.”
“Think nothing, you bastard. I’m saying your ass needs to get out more and get some. You’re not doing yourself any favors. I mean, what happened with that date with that Wyvern chick?”
“It wasn’t a date. And nothing happened.”
“See, that’s what I’m saying! You know what breaks my heart more than anything else in the world? It’s my man Lyle here getting cooped up all day in some fucking apartment and depriving all the ladies in the world of his dick. You gotta go out and do this, man. If not for you or for me, then the entire female race. They brought you to this world, and you owe them. Anyway, forget about that ice bitch, you can do better than her. Come with me.”
“I don’t know. I have to take care of Basil.”
“Forget him. You’ve been smooshed up with those damned twins long enough. Come have fun with my twins, all right? You take Clarice and I’ll take Clara. We’ll have fun. It’ll be good.”
His words rang sweet in my ear. Visions of a nubile set of twins flashed through my mind, their bronze bodies lying on a pillow of roses and their modesty covered only by their long golden locks. Their voices moaned my name in ecstasy. “Lyle… oh Lyle!” Twins, and not the scaly ones but the fuckable kind. Dare a man dream? I almost did, until the voice of reason smashed it away.
“Hey, whatcha guys doing?”
Mark jerked back and he clenched into my flesh until I yelped and knocked his arm away. He shuffled to the far end of the bench and his eyes seized on something on opposite other side. Basil greeted us with slab of meat clutched in his claws. He tore off a piece from the chunk and swallowed a mouthful.
“Isn’t this a nice day today?” he asked.
“Yeah, it is.” I said.
Basil nodded his head and turned to Mark. I jabbed Mark’s side.
“Ow, what the hell, Lyle?” he yelped.
“Well, isn’t it a good day?” I said.
“Yeah, yeah, good day, whatever. Geez.” He rubbed his side, still keeping his eyes on the Isian.
“Ah, such a nice, wonderful day,” Basil said. He jumped onto the bench and sat between us. “Want some of this, Mark?”
Mark stared at him with a disbelieving look and shook his head. He watched Basil shrug and take another bite. “You’re awfully happy bastard right now, ain’t you?” he said.
“Well, of course I am! It’s great sitting outside in a nice day with nice friends and eating nice food.”
“Right. Sure is,” said Mark with a hint of bravado. His confused eyes betrayed him.
“So what were you guys talking about before?” Basil asked, his voice muffled from the entire slab of meat he stuffed in his maw.
“Girls,” Mark said.
“Oh, what about them?”
“We’re talking about how our man Lyle here has to go out and get some.”
Basil turned around to face me. “You’re not getting any girls? Why? I think you should.”
Mark pointed a finger to me. “Ha! See? Even the lizard gets it! If you’re not gonna listen to me, then listen to your scaly friend here. He’s telling the truth.”
“I think it’s good to out with girls, Ly-lee. They’re fun to be with.”
“Damn right they’re fun!”
Ah, what could I have said? Mark had his chest-thumping alpha male thing going on, telling me how it was my genetic duty to chase the tail, while Basil repeatedly asserted that playing with the fairer sex was “awesome.” After a while, I started believing them.
“All right, I got it,” I said. “Do the girl thing. I’ll do it sometime.”
Mark leaned over to slap my back. “Yeah, that’s it! You and me going out and doing what nature intended, the way it should be.” He caught Basil looking on with a hopeful-eyed “how about me?” expression. He patted the lizard’s neck. “How about you, little guy? You got any lizard chicks you’re chasing?”
“Huh? Me? Well…” He looked down and shook his head. “Not really.”
“What do you mean ‘not really?’ Jesus you’re just like Lyle. No wonder you guys get along so much!”
“I don’t think this is something you should be concerned with,” I said.
“Like hell I won’t. This ain’t happening, not on my watch. No man in my labs, lizard or not, is going home like this, that’s not how I get paid.” He gripped Basil’s neck. “Listen, buddy. Uncle Mark’s gonna help you out. You’ve got to have seen at least a couple of cute lizard babes before, right?”
“Yeah,” Basil said, perking his head up. “I’ve seen some.”
“Great! Y’see, that’s how you start, with some. Which one was the prettiest? The cutest? The hottest?”
“My sister Tia,” Basil said without a second thought.
The energized look on Mark’s face quickly dissolved into an incredulous mush. He shook his head and slapped his hands together. “Woah, woah! Time out, asshole! It can’t be your sister, what the hell is wrong with you?”
Basil looked confused. “But you asked me which girl was the prettiest, and that’s Sis.”
“Goddammit, no!” Mark yelled. He pointed at me. “What the hell, Lyle? What’ve you been teaching this poor kid?”
I waved him off.
He pointed at Basil. “Buddy, do you want me to help you? You want me to help you get the girls or not?”
“Oh yes, I do!” Basil said. He stood on the bench and bobbed his head and thumped his tail on my lap.
“Then, you’re going to have to help me first. Tell me the cutest girl you know that’s not your goddamn sister, okay? Just do that for me.”
“Oh. Hmm.” He pondered for a bit—apparently second place was a long debate for him. His ears perked up when he finally discovered the answer. “Okay, I got it. There was this really pretty girl at Wyvern, once. Her name was Ara—”
Mark interrupted. “No, I don’t want to know her name. A chick’s name is never important, see? Now, say you’re trying to impress this girl. What do you do?”
“Sing.”
“What?”
“I’ll sing. I’ll sing my song, and hopefully she likes it.”
The words struck like a spear through the Mark’s chest, judging by his corpse-like stare. “Sing? Are you kidding me?”
“No? But that’s what you do, right?”
“Goddammit. Goddammit, no! That’s not what you do! You don’t get girls by singing!”
“Don’t listen to him,” I said to Basil. “Girls love a guy who can sing. It’s a wonderful thing.”
“Listen nothing, that’s bullshit,” Mark snapped. “You don’t go out and sing or any queer shit like that if you want the girls. Fact. Buddy, look at me. Do I look like the type of person that sings? Hell no! That only works in the movies, and the world isn’t a goddamn movie. Look, forget everything you heard. You want to get a girl? You have to take her. You got to lock her down and take her. Pin her down if you have to, do what comes naturally. It’s the instinct that all males have, you just have to tap into yourself and bring him out. You get what I’m saying?”
“Just great, Mark,” I said. “You just advised him to start raping girls.”
“I didn’t tell him to rape nobody, asshole, what the hell is wrong with you? Figuratively, I’m telling him to go out and be strong. Girls aren’t going to be interested in you just because you ask them. They have to feel it, and they feel it only if the guy is tough and knows what he wants. Haven’t you seen those nature documentaries? Females are all like this. The lion only gets his pride if he proves he’s the toughest motherfucker in the plains. He has to show that he wants it. When he does that, the pussy comes naturally. That’s confidence, buddy. It’s universal. Right?”
He slapped Basil’s shoulder and gave a thumbs up. All he got in return was a wide-mouthed look of horror on the Isian’s tapered face.
“You… you can’t do that!” Basil cried.
“Why not?”
“Girls are strong! They’ll kill you if you try to do that!”
“What? No they won’t. What a goddamn minute here.” Mark lifted a finger to Basil’s snout and tapped his nose. “Are you telling me you’ve got beaten up by a girl?”
Basil lurched back and fell onto my lap. Underneath Mark’s pointed gaze, he looked away, saying, “Well, I mean. I guess there’s this one time…”
Mark threw up his hands. “Well, that’s it. It’s over, I’m done.” He stood up and brushed off his bottom. “I can’t do this. I can’t help someone who can’t help himself. Sorry, I have limits. I’m not even working with a real man here, this is impossible.”
“Christ Mark, stop being a melodramatic asshole,” I said, holding Basil to my lap.
“He got jumped by a goddamn lizard girl!”
“You got jumped by a goddamn lizard girl! Or have you forgotten?”
His cheeks flushed crimson. He flicked his hand into the air at no one in particular.
“Forget it, man. Whatever. I’m going to eat lunch and take care of some reports. Offer’s still good for tonight Lyle, if you want it.” He waved a finger at Basil. “As for you, my scaly friend. I would consider going gay if I were you. I think it’d make things a lot easier. Later.”
After Mark left, Basil turned to me and scratched his chin. “I’m not sure what he means by that,” he said.
“Don’t listen to him. He talks a lot, but he doesn’t know anything.”
“Yeah, well. He sure has a lot of girls though. I’d be nice to be like him for a little bit, just to see what it’s like.”
It was something we both could agree with.